My agents were in the production floor area busy decorating our bay with some Halloween stuff. One agent was on the ledge striking some pose pretending to be on ANTM. Took my camera out and… Boom! I removed the cluttered background and it looked like a real photo shoot! 
The walls I built starts to crack.
The citadel starts to crumble.
The mask breaks.
And I’m on my knees crying…
Memories I tried to hide came back rushing like a lava overflow.
Alone.
I am alone.
I’ve been alone.
I need someone to talk to.
But there is nobody there.
I need to breathe.
I need to breathe.
I need to breathe.
I haven’t really exorcised my demons.
I haven’t really talked about losing mom and pop.
I haven’t really expressed what I wanted to say.
Regret has such a bitter taste.
Acrid even.
I miss ‘Ma.
I miss Dad.
I miss kuya Itot.
I miss kuya Melbene.
I miss my family.
I am lost. But pretending I am not.
Still unsure of tomorrow.
No one understands.
No one truly cares.
I am alone.
I am alone.
I am alone.
Writing helps me vent out.
But I still need an ear to listen.
I just couldn’t hold it anymore.
Tears explode.
Self-pity is but a constant companion.
I need space.
I need to breathe.
I need to think.
I need to get away.
Everything is going way too fast.
I have to clear my head.
How?
How?
Help me.
I need to breathe.
I need someone to talk to.
Please listen.
Incoherent thoughts running through my head.
I need to breathe.
I am lost.
**I need a shrink**
Norma Garcia Teofilo. A simple name to some. But a shining beacon of strength and love to me and my brothers.
Raising 3 kids alone was a tough job. But somehow, you pulled it off. And we will forever be grateful for raising us well. We are all very lucky to have you as our mother. Norlito, Melbene Anthony and myself are all very lucky to have you as our Mom.
I owe all the most valuable lessons in life to you. Because I learned everything from you. From mastering strength, courage, understanding, selflessness and love. Thank you.
I’d give up anything, as in anything, just to have another day with you.
People ask me questions like ‘do I find it difficult to live alone’ or ‘am I lonely because I’m alone’ or ‘do I miss you’. I simply answer them with a smile. Because I bet they have no idea how I feel inside. Of course I can feel the pangs of envy every time I see a happy family. There will always be that longing. But I brush it off because I know I have you constantly watching over me and my brothers. My guardian angel. Our guardian angel.
Life is tough. And its tougher when you have nobody to talk to. And it surprises me every time to find a bag of strength when I need it the most. I bet that’s your doing.
Norma to some. Norming to your friends. Manang to your siblings. Mommy to my Dad. Mama to us, your kids.
Happy Birthday Ma! “Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.”
We simply have to close our eyes to feel your warmth. We miss you. I miss you so much.
I love you.
I’m posting this video of Bette Midler‘s “Wind Beneath My Wings” because you were constantly singing this song to me. Reading the lyrics, I have to say YOU are the wind beneath my wings.
“Wind Beneath My Wings”
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that’s your way.
You always walked a step behind.
So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.
Did you ever know that you’re my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
’cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I’ve got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.
Did you ever know that you’re my hero?
You’re everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
’cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
Did I ever tell you you’re my hero?
You’re everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
’cause you are the wind beneath my wings,
’cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.
It was a sugar-filled night as the production floor was flooded with colors of pink and blue while the support team was giving out cotton candies to hype-up the floor…
As the light struggled, darkness came to conquer.
The stars were in shock. Amazed and in wonder.
Clouds loomed as I wait for forever,
withered soul bruised, strained from disaster
Memories flashed while the fire turned to ashes.
Teardrops waved as it rolled with gentleness.
Darkness overpowered the glory as it fades,
the sun will soon set into the rolling waves…
